Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A Sensitive Subject For Me

This evening I was having a discussion with my husband. We were talking about mistakes we had made in our younger years. And the subject came up of some daughters that I had given up for adoption.

I have never forgotten about my girls. One was born in 1991 and the other was born in 1994. I was in a really bad situation and was not able to keep my girls, so I gave them up for adoption. And all these years I often think of what has become of them. Well the question came up tonight of if I would like to meet them. I did not hesitate on this question for the answer is yes. I would love to meet them. But, I do not know if they would like to meet me. And I certainly would not know how to even begin to search for them.

But the subject will soon come to a head in a few months. That is when the oldest girl turns 18 yrs old. And that is the legal age when you can begin to search for them, and they can also search for you. And like I said, I would not even know how to start the search. And if I did find them I wouldn't know what to say. Or how to explain why I did what I did.

It would be nice to hear from other people who have been in my shoes. Either as an adopted child or as a parent that has given up a child for adoption. And to get comments from them about how the situation panned out for them. Please offer up your comments if you have them.

I need to close out this post for now, for I feel myself starting to tear up. I feel the need to go dig out the old pictures of my girls and travel back to another time in my life.....and just get lost in my memories of them.


Cashmere said...

Awww... I'm sure the girls will be able to understand why they were given up.. You had no choice.. What matters is that you still love them and still think about them even though it's been 18 years..

I'm pretty sure you'll have the chance to redeem yourself when you guys meet. And she'll be able to understand if she's matured enough.. All the best to you and keep us updated if you get to meet her.. I'm sure you'll have a great time together.. :)

Tiff said...

I am an adoptee who actually found my foster mother and my birth father's family. If I can help you in away let me know!

crazynlovemom said...

Thanks Tiff. I would be curious to know how long it took you to find them, and how you did it.