Thursday, December 18, 2008

Beyond Embarrassed

I have been in denial way too long. I am no longer in control of my body. And I have embarrassed myself for the last time.

I suffer from a problem that is not that uncommon for women. I have a bladder control problem. And that in itself is not something to be alarmed about. But what has been happening to me lately is. I am no longer able to stop myself from peeing. And it has gone beyond the issue of just releasing when you sneeze or cough. I now am able to pee uncontrollably while standing still. And it is happening more and more. Like a helpless child in toilet training, I feel as though I need to be wearing diapers.

And the worst part is that two years ago I visited a urologist for testing. And indeed I was told that I had a condition common in women called prolapse. It is when weak muscles allow the bladder to fall out of place. And mine is bad. So bad that I am in need of surgery. And when the doctor told me that I got scared and walked out and never went back. But I can no longer deny my need for the surgery. I have been told that it is a relatively simple procedure. And the recovery time is short as well.

So you might be saying what is the problem just get it done. But my stupid fears are holding me back from living a normal life. But I have to face my fears and return to the doctor. Because I am afraid now that I might just slip up and pee like a toddler all over the floor. And I would have to just die from the embarrassement. So I have to ask myself which will it be.......diapers or surgery? Hmmmmm that's a tough one but I will have the surgery. Because I just can't stand the thought of trying to squeeze my big old butt in Huggies again.


Nicole said...

I am not in your situation, but I had to have surgery to fix a different issue... I went my entire life without even a hospital stay before it, and was a little freaked out, too--but after 6 surgeries--I'm doing just fine. Sometimes you just have to feel the fear and do it anyways... Good luck to you!

PJ said...

i am finding that the older i get the more my bladder defies me. it is happening more when i sneeze or cough hard, but i am afraid that it is going to get worse. i wonder if all those years of "holding it in" has become the reason of this. i joke about it, but really it isn't funny. i wish you all the best and a quick recovery.

Akirah said...

I agree; you shouldn't be embarrassed about that. Our bodies do crazy things sometimes, but they can do amazing things too! Good for you for getting that surgery...I wish you the best of luck!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

That would certainly be an embarrassing problem. I think you are wise getting the surgery but understand your fear. Just realize it's routine for the surgeon and maybe that will help.

Jan said...

My mum had the surgery a couple of years ago (she's 80 now!) and is doing fine. So that's my 2 cents worth.