Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Time To Say Hello To A New Year

It is once again time to say hello to a new year. And good-bye to a year filled with many ups and downs. I must admit that I will be thrilled to see a new year come in. And I can not deny, that this year has been filled with an over abundance of tears and laughter.

Many families have their own traditions on how they welcome in the new year. Some attend lavish dinner parties with champagne toasts at midnight. And some go to clubs and dance til they drop. And others spend the evening at home with their loved ones. Well in my house we have our own tradition, my husband fires up the grill and we have B-BQ. And in Michigan it can be quite cold this time of year. And as usual I gave my husband my favorite speech. The " Knock yourself out, I will be in the house waiting on the food" speech. As of right now, the temperature outside is only 17 degrees. But the wind chill index says it feels like 9 degrees. Can you say BRRRRR boys and girls? Better him than me.

I hope that the new year brings more laughter and cheer than sorrow to each and every one of my readers.

Happy New Year to one and all

Sunday, December 28, 2008

More Than I can Handle

This week has been more than I can deal with. It seems like everyday in the last week something has gone wrong. And today was the last straw.

Let's see, last friday I lost my car keys in the snow at work. Saturday had 2 new keys made, paid the locksmith and then found my old keys. On Wednesday, a malfunction in the electrical system caused the power in my garage to stop working. Thursday we got stuck in a snow bank covered in ice and my father passed away. Friday had to put two new tires on our truck due to tread loss. And the creme de la creme, today I lost my cell phone in a Walmart store and my dryer decided it was tired of drying a ton of laundry each and every day and quit.

So now tomorrow I have to try and get a new phone and a new dryer. And we have an electrician coming to our house to fix our electrical system in our garage. And best of all I have to babysit my nieces while their apartment is being painted. And that I got nominated because my mothers house has no heat due to a power outage.

I am pleading with someone, anyone to put me out of my misery. Send me on a vacation or just hijack me and take me somewhere else. Perhaps I could be kidnapped by aliens before tomorrow. Wouldn't that be heavenly. Or I could repeat the phrase " Calgon Take Me Away" until I disappear or my children vanish......which ever comes first.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

And She Sleeps Finally

It seemed like it took forever for me to fall asleep last night. I went to be around 9 p.m. and didn't fall asleep until well after 3 a.m. My eyes were feeling like they were on fire and my body was exhausted. But I still was not able to fall asleep.

No peace in my mind or in my heart was preventing me from sleeping. I can't help but wonder if he passed knowing I loved him. Or if he harbored the same resentment and anger towards me. But I will never know now for he will take that to the grave with him.

Thank you for all those who have sent up their prayers and condolences to my family and I. I truly appreciate them all.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Too Tired To Cry Anymore

Well the arrangements have been made for my father. My stepmom decided to have him cremated and not to have a memorial service. I was devastated because I wanted a chance to say good bye.

My husband came up with a brilliant idea. He suggested that I call the funeral home and request to see his remains. The funeral director said she would have to get permission from his wife. She asked me to call her back in 5 minutes while she called his wife and asked. When I called back she said that the family agreed to let me view his remains, but I had to be at the funeral home before 5 p.m. and it was already after 3 o'clock. So out the door I went with my husband and my oldest son in tow.

My youngest sister met me at the funeral home. When we went inside, the director gave us a brief speech about what to expect. And she told us that he did die last night somewhere between 10 and 10:30 p.m. I braced myself as we walked up the stairs to the viewing room. As I walked in I looked at his face, and he looked so peaceful. I must admit I was a little taken aback to see him lying in a cardboard box. But the director explained to us that this is the way they transport people to the crematorium. I instinctively reached out and touched his hair and stroked it like a parent does to their child. A undeniable feeling of peace swept over me as I touched his cold face. I did not want to take my hand away. I wanted to stay with him and not leave. I stood by his side and cried a river of tears as I held my hand on his cheek. And before I left, I bent down and kissed his forehead and whispered to him " Rest in peace Daddy". And somehow I feel better knowing that I had a chance to say Good Bye. And that I know that I will see him again one day in the presence of my Lord.

Rest In Peace Daddy

Saying Good Bye To My Father

Christmas day was a wonderful day in my house. The kids had a ball playing with all their toys. My nieces got what they wanted from Santa. And I was tickled pink that my husband got me all the things I asked for.

Then this morning my mother called me. She called to tell me my father passed away last night. And all the feelings I have been stuffing inside for the last 8 yrs, flooded to the top. And I cried like I haven't in years.

You see I have been harboring lots of anger for my father. When I was 8 yrs old my parents divorced. And at 11 yrs my mother remarried. And this is when my father decided to walk out of our lives. I did not see or hear from my father for the next five years. During the years he was out of my life I endured being molested by my step father. He took a new wife and family also. Then when I was 19 yrs old I fell in love with his oldest son by his new wife, and we married. And for about 6 yrs I had the opportunity to be apart of my fathers life again. And he got to know my son. But I never spoke up about the pain I went through during his absence. I continued to hide it. Eventually, I divorced my first husband and moved on with my life. And for awhile I avoided my father and his new family because of the connection to my ex husband. But I did go back. And I would visit from time to time. Until one day when we had a falling out about my ex-husband. I felt as though he was choosing them over his flesh and blood. And I left and never went back. He continued to have a relationship with my sister and her children through all these years. But I was never included in his life.

So, I am sitting here confused as all hell today. Because I don't understand why my heart is in such pain. And why the tears are flowing like a river. But I am sure the days that follow will be painful. For I will have to face issues, people and emotions, that I have denied for far too long.

So, for now I will say a prayer for his wife and the members of her family. And I will dry my tears, for my life will go on. There are tasks to be done today. And even though I wish I could crawl into a hole somewhere and hide from the things ahead. For today my life must go on.

Monday, December 22, 2008

I Have A Great Boss



I have a great boss. A real ham so to speak. Like today for example, we were doing volunteer work at a local soup kitchen. There was about 15 of my coworkers and our top three bosses. And our head boss showed up looking like he was very much in the holiday spirit. So I couldn't resist catching a few pictures of him with my cell phone. And believe me when I say that after today my attitude towards the holidays has started to take a turn for the better. I am finally starting to get happy about Christmas. I even started to try and fix my tree up so that it actually looks like a x-mas tree.

Only one more day left to finish off my shopping and start wrapping everything up. It is crunch time for Santa is hiding behind every corner in my house. So, if I don't get to post again in the next few days.......I hope that everyone has an incredibly enjoyable Christmas. And I hope that the joy of the Season touches everyone in the best possible way.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Unbelievable

I have had an incredibly bad week. I lost the only set of keys to our car yesterday. And we only have one key to our car. And the bad part is that we don't know where we could have lost them. My husband and I both worked yesterday and we believe that we lost the keys on the parking lot shuttle. But of course everyone and everywhere we looked no one had any keys.

So today we have to have a locksmith come to us to make a new key. The process takes about 45 minutes and only about $185 dollars. We tried numerous different companies but no one was available to do the job. And then I called the airport police, and they suggested a company. And wouldn't you know I hit the jackpot. Not only were they available, but they came to the house to pick us up. And as I am writing this my husband is at the parking lot with the locksmith getting a new key made.

So, a big Thank You is in order for our men in blue at the airport, they always come through when you need them. And also to the locksmith goes my kudos, Thanks for coming to rescue me when noone else would. And to my husband, THANKS for not killing me.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Beyond Embarrassed

I have been in denial way too long. I am no longer in control of my body. And I have embarrassed myself for the last time.

I suffer from a problem that is not that uncommon for women. I have a bladder control problem. And that in itself is not something to be alarmed about. But what has been happening to me lately is. I am no longer able to stop myself from peeing. And it has gone beyond the issue of just releasing when you sneeze or cough. I now am able to pee uncontrollably while standing still. And it is happening more and more. Like a helpless child in toilet training, I feel as though I need to be wearing diapers.

And the worst part is that two years ago I visited a urologist for testing. And indeed I was told that I had a condition common in women called prolapse. It is when weak muscles allow the bladder to fall out of place. And mine is bad. So bad that I am in need of surgery. And when the doctor told me that I got scared and walked out and never went back. But I can no longer deny my need for the surgery. I have been told that it is a relatively simple procedure. And the recovery time is short as well.

So you might be saying what is the problem just get it done. But my stupid fears are holding me back from living a normal life. But I have to face my fears and return to the doctor. Because I am afraid now that I might just slip up and pee like a toddler all over the floor. And I would have to just die from the embarrassement. So I have to ask myself which will it be.......diapers or surgery? Hmmmmm that's a tough one but I will have the surgery. Because I just can't stand the thought of trying to squeeze my big old butt in Huggies again.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Too Tired To Enjoy The Holiday

Lately, between work and my home life I have been so tired. So tired in fact that the holiday just seems to have lost all meaning in my life. It doesn't seem to hold the same magic that it had when I was younger. It seems as though with every passing year the feelings get stronger. And I am wondering if I am the only one that feels this way?

Perhaps my vacation from work next week will help. But I don't think it will. I am in a deep funk and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And as much as I hate to admit it, I will be thrilled when the holidays are over with.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My Son Has A Girlfriend

My son finally has a girlfriend. But it's my 5 yr old son. He came home from school yesterday and informed us that he now has a girlfriend. My husband was a little shocked at this statement and a little worried too. But, myself, I found it to be cute.

I had to remind my husband to let things be for now. After all it is just another stage of growing up. That first so called puppy love. But you do have to be careful to listen to the things that they say. And to remind them that they are only five. Like my son said he would have to marry this girl because she is his girlfriend. And that is when mom simply said " Don't be in a hurry son, enjoy being young". And he simply responded by saying "O.K." And off to bed he went.

Oh, how quickly our children grow up. I have to remind myself to enjoy every minute of their youth, for they don't stay young forever. So for tonight I think I will just step back and watch my babies be babies. And enjoy the precious joys of their youth.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Getting Caught

Well last night did not exactly go the way I planned it to. I was following my usual routine and was grocery shopping with my oldest son and my niece. As usual my son and niece went their seperate ways when we entered the store. They were browsing around while I picked up the weeks food. Nothing out of the ordinary until we went to leave the store. Nothing unusual that is until store security stopped my niece for shoplifting.

The weather was rather inclement so after paying for my merchandise I went to get the truck while my son paid for his stuff. My niece was also making a purchase of some toys for her daughter. As I was loading my groceries into the car I noticed my niece standing in the doorway talking to two men. I stood and watched for a minute and then I entered the store and asked the one man what was going on. I stated that I was her guardian and I wanted to know what was going on. The man informed me that he would speak to me in a moment. I watched the look on her face as the man asked her where the merchandise she took was. You could tell by the look on her face that she was reaching desperately for answers. But she was adament that she had done nothing wrong. I listened carefully as the man explained to me what they had observed. I then asked my niece to remove her coat. And as I reached my hand into the coat pocket I pulled out the merchandise that she had not paid for. I was hoping that it would not be true, that she hadn't taken anything. But my hopes were dashed when I removed the stolen goods. Imagine my dismay when I was asked to accompany her with the security to the loss prevention office. It was explained to her that the only reason the police were not being called was because I was with her.

We were told that her information was entered into their computers, so if she ever tried to do this stupid stunt again, they would notify the police instead of letting her go. And they also told us that we would be getting a bill from the stores lawyer for about $200.00 dollars. That's right 200 dollars. All because she wanted to be stupid. I was at a loss for words. The drive home was a long one. Let's just say I had more than a few choice words for her. And she sat in the back seat as quiet as ever. Not a word did she speak.

But the best was waiting at home for her.....her uncle. My husband was so outraged he unleashed his anger in the form of a verbal lashing. What do you say to a child that is on the verge of adulthood, and yet acts like a 12yr old? After about an hour or so, when the steam stopped coming out our ears, my husband and I talked about what had happened. Still at a loss for words, I started to giggle. My husband asked why I was laughing, and all I could come up with a memory of my mother-in-law. She passed on a few years ago, and I told my husband that I could picture her up in heaven laughing her butt off at us. And I just said " Thanks for the joke Mom!!"

And as we finished off the day lying in bed, about to drift off to sleep, I laughed again and simply said " Thanks again for the joke Mom"! To which my husband just laughed and kissed me and went to sleep.

Paying It Back


We have had a fun couple of months. Off and on we would have problems with our car not starting. And it always seemed to happen at the worst times. Like when your at the grocery store and you come out and load all the groceries into the car only to find out that it won't start. So you have to go to a stranger and ask for help starting your car. Occassionally you would get a person that would say NO. But mainly people always say yes they will help.

Well this morning as I was running my morning errands, I stopped in a gas station to pick up something to drink. As I pulled into the parking area I noticed two men trying to start their truck. I naturally didn't think much of it as someone was already helping them. So into the store I went to get a hot tea to warm my cold bones. As I was standing in line to pay for my drink a man approached me and asked me if I drove the excursion in the parking lot. I said yes that it belonged to me and he asked me for a jump. Without blinking an eye I said Yes I would help them. After all the times that people have given me a jump it was the least I could do. When I pulled my truck around I couldn't help but notice that the cables they were using were not gonna work. But we hooked them up anyways just to give it a try. Naturally they did not work even after a good five minutes of trying. So, I suggested to my son that we try the cables that I carry in our truck. And wouldn't you know that literally a minute after hooking up my cables his truck started right up. The man said "Thank you", closed his hood and drove away.

So, today was my chance to repay some of the kindness that strangers have shown me. And I must admit that it feels good to do something nice for someone else. And in the tough times that we are living in, everyone needs a helping hand from time to time. And we should all be reaching out in some way to help each other out.

My mission for today: Do something nice for someone else. Even the simplest things sometimes mean alot. So help an elderly person load their groceries into the car, or hold open a door for someone, or donate food to a food bank or shelter. IT doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do something

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Meeting Celebrities At Work


From time to time I do get to meet a celebrity or two at work. This week I happened to have the pleasure of meeting Lakisha Jones from American Idol. She was a contestant on the 6th season. And since she is from my home state of Michigan I was always voting for her on the show. But sadly she did not win. But, like so many others, she did find a certain amount of fame.

She was so nice and kind. It turns out that she had been in town to sing the National Anthem at the Lions game. Well when I told her I was a fan of hers she gave me a copy of her new single "So Glad I'm Me". I finally got to listen to it tonight, and I am happy to say it was very good.

So, for all the Lakisha fans out there.....check out her myspace page at:

http://www.myspace.com/lakishajones

While your there give a listen to her song. And to lakisha...Thanks for the CD it was great.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Happy Birthday To Big Daddy



Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope

That's right today is my husbands' Birthday. He is another year older and none the wiser as the saying goes.

I know you have to work today, but, I truly hope that you get the best of everything today. And that the year that follows will be filled with nothing but joy and happiness.

With much love your wife and kids.